|Gosh.....is this really how my life is?
||[08 Feb 2005|09:32pm]
I really do wish I was someone else. Someone that maybe she'd like. Someone she'd actually want. But I guess I can only dream.
Stupid essay shit thing was boring I think I did good though. That teacher was sitting there eating an apple. Crunching on it all loud I just wanted to hit her with it...cause I wanted an apple. And she had one. Amber and Amanda's friend Heather was there ( She didin't talk to me ) Amanda's other friend Lauren? Was there, talked to her too she's cool. Lunch was eh I dunno I didin't really want to do anything. 6th was ok. Sabrina is so very friendly trying to talk to me and make me do some aerobics shit at the same time.
I really do wish I was someone else though. And I hate wishing myself to be someone else just for her. Is she even worth it all? I know she's not but for some reason I can't get that through my head. And just thinking of her makes me feel like shit. I hate having to feel that way.
||[07 Feb 2005|06:57pm]
David it's ok if you meant what you said. It really is. And since you don't believe me (Obviously) I'll just show you..
* Yes I am selfish at times ( I guess )
* But no...I am not afraid of being in love with someone else. ( Just a lil scared )
* I dunno if I'm "Utterly confused"....because I don't even know how to spell that.
* And you're wrong about the whole phone thing. ( I wasn't avoiding you...Uh I was calling Heather! )
* You can stop telling me the Twinkie factory is going out of buissness though. ( Cause that on hurt )
* And yes I am retarded and ugly. I don't care if you think other wise.
* And yes I can be single for the rest of my life...watch me.
I'm done. Love you! <333
|OOooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOOOOoooooooOO!!! Drop it like it's hawwwt!
||[02 Feb 2005|05:44am]
OMG. So I have an urge to eat mashed potatoes. So about 4:15 I make my fat ass to the kitchen and I boil some taters. I have some issues. It's not normal to get up with an urge to eat potatoes. A couple days ago it was an urge with nachos. Ohh should have seen how that one worked out. And I'm in a loving mood right now ppl! Ugh this J-lo song is playing on T.v...what a 30 somethin year old hoe. The song annoys me and she looks like a drag queen...I swear she got no panties in one scene. Oh mah gawwddd ppl. David came over yesterday like at 5. After I finished eatin my pizza w/ Melissa and my brother. We were talking ( Melissa and my brother and me ) About how you can make yourself into an action figure and what 3 phrases ours would say, Melissa's was like " No mom then gimme your credit card!", "Mommy shut up!" and "Stacy gimme some of your soda please??". Mine was "Ma I haven't been on the internet the whole day!", "Ma I'm hungry", "Jose lemme play!". Makes me sound like some whinny kid with down syndrome. Anywayz then Jackie needed to get her nails done. So when David came I told my mom I didin't want to walk over there alone cuz she lives right near where Tristan lives. So he came with me and we found Jackie and went to the chinese place by Winn-Dixie. Freaking took a year to put nails on 10 fingers...So many gangsters that David knew. It was scary, well I got home at 8:30 or something. Geez he's amazing...I luv him..aside from the other people I have feelings for..lol...I'm sucha looser. Anyways me and Kristy had a very productive convo. so I saved it. OMG the J-lo video is on again..Puh-lease J-lo the only thing you shakin is that ass fat.
MyKitchn: thats it
MyKitchn: did she give you the "we can be friends cuz i care alot about you"
sty88: "I want to be your friend, because I'll always love you."
sty88: Thanks babe....it really sucks though. I mean it's like...
NMyKitchn: like what?
sty88: Well like you have something right, and..like a favorite pair of shoes. You wear all the time. You love those shoes, they make you happy and you've had them for the longest time. You don't even think about putting them on. You just do. They're YOUR shoes.
sty88: Then someone comes and likes them too. So one day you go to put on your shoes and they're gone. You look over and someone else has them on. They're as happy as you were with them..but happier because they know they took your happiness away.
sty88: And your crushed because watching the thing..or person you love with someone else just kills you.
sty88: Yea I know. Weirdo.
MyKitchn: no i just never really thought about it like that
MyKitchn: didint she say shed think about it all
sty88: Yes. But she did and she realized she didin't want the same things I did.
NMyKitchn: that must suck bad
sty88: It does.
MyKitchn: I can't imagine how you must be feeling
sty88: You know what it feels like to love someone so much that when you look at them it hurts. Just knowing you don't have them. Just knowing you couldn't make that person happy.
sty88: And when they smile at you it kills you. And you'd just wish they go away so you wouldn't hurt anymore..but at the same time you know if they did leave you wouldn't survive.
sty88: That's how I feel. I don't know if you can relate or not. But that's pretty much it.
MyKitchn: actually i can
MyKitchn: its when you know its so right with that person but they feel its so right with someone else. its when you cry over that person because you just wish they could know what they mean to you. wish that she would know she is the most beautiful person in the world to me. that i'd be so happy with her and do so many things differently if she'd just give me a chance, or at least give me a chance to tell her everything i feel.
sty88: Exactly. But I have a feeling were not talking about me anymore
sty88: Maybe if you just tell her everything you told me?
MyKitchn: that wouldnt work, nothing will anymore i just gotta learn to deal with it, the way other ppl do
sty88: I don't think that's the right thing. But I'm not out to tell you what to do with your life. When I need someone to tell me about mine.
MyKitchn: If you love her that much. Try to get her back.
sty88: I'm either settling on the that or just being alone.
MyKitchn: you dont deserve that.
sty88: Neither do you.